Emotional Side Hustle

My Emotional side hustle —

What the Facebook version of this picture shows is an incredible, adorable, achievement for Nicky (7) who is singing a solo in front of a zillion people at a local theater gala tonight. The song is A Million Dreams from The Greatest Showman — his favorite ever musical (you know the one that led to inviting the world to a showing for his birthday two years ago, then the live Hugh Jackman show…) On the surface, this is simply a picture of one of the greatest moments of his little seven-year-old life.

Behind it is the crushing grief that I cannot share this with my mom. There is a way I could celebrate my pride, and make fun of this insanity (he practiced FOUR hours a day since Sunday) with her that there is just no sub on the bench to replicate. She would have loved this. We would have talked about it for hours. She would have watched the four-minute video more times than she’d admit.

So that loving question, “how are you?” THIS is how I am. So many times, this is how I am. I am so proud and excited for this sweet little dude AND I am missing my mom at such a cellular level it hurts.

Grief is my emotional side hustle.