Joy Pays the Bills

Parenting for the win —

Scene: me deeply immersed in research/writing and listening to the ethereal joy William’s album, Venus — looks up to see the clock say 2:07

Me: GAAAHHH! We’re going to late!

Jumps into car driving (**lawyer’s edit) the LEGAL SPEED LIMIT miles an hour to Nicky’s school.

A brief conversation about my profound love of my peloton (I may have just a touch of ADD) with the receptionist I storm down to his classroom, annoyed he’s not in the “I need to leave early chair” as per our discussion about the aforesaid mentioned doctor appoint earlier in the week.

Nick: eyes popping, big smile. “You’re taking me early?!”
Me: “Nicholas! Where is your stuff? If I can’t trust you to be responsible that means we can’t schedule these appointments with the doctor you like! You are normally so good at this.”
Nicky: *several beats if silence.* Completely neutral tone: “Mom, can I just ask a question?”
Me: “Ask it while we are walking! Hurry!”
Nicky: “Which doctor’s appointment do I have on Thursday?”
Me: *silent, still, frozen*
Nicky: “Mommy it’s ok if you don’t know that it’s Wednesday today.”

Thank god there was a wall to hold me up and a bathroom nearby or we’d be having another conversation. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. 40 minutes of unnecessary panic driving, was worth THAT laugh.

When I came back from the bathroom Nicky was still in the hall smiling, telling the story to a friend who said, “I bet your mom is so embarrassed.”

Nicky looked me dead in the eye and said, “Nah, you don’t even really ever get embarrassed, do you, mom?”

So there it is. Another awesome story I can’t tell her, but I can hear her laughing, can see her wiping away tears.

Joy pays the bills — and grief is my side hustle.